It's MzMartiPants to you!

Originally published at Transadvocate. Please leave any comments there.

With the ongoing battles between radical feminists and transgender bloggers, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it means to be transgender. Radical feminists, in the vein of Andrea Dworkin’s dream of an “androgynous society,” hope to demolish gender roles.

Recently i read an article written by Susan Cole of Now magazine. She discussed her gender fluidity and how she’s beginning to enjoy it.

“Does this mean I’ve lost my feminist edge? I know I still believe that women have the right to female-only spaces and I’m still super-proud of my dykedom and my lesbian motherhood. But at the same time, I’m warming to the idea of my gender fluidity.”

She continues to analyze her gender identity by saying:

“The truth is, the more experience I have, the more I see myself as ever-morphing. I change depending on who I’m with. In the company of an über-butch I become a little more femmy, but give me a high femme and I can do butch with the best of them.”

The constraints of the male heterosexual gender identity are tightly guarded. The fluidity that Susan Cole enjoys is tolerated by a society to a higher extent than a “sissy” or “prissy” male bodied person that is going the opposite way.

Female bodied people in this culture are allowed to be more fluid with their gender presentation from birth. From clothing choices, to hair styles, the dichotomy is clear. Many times when a male bodied person first flirts with gender fluidity, it’s the first time in their life they’ve been allowed to do so. You’ll notice that many who are early in their experimentation (through gender change or cross dressing) go way over the top dress and demeanor. Their ultra feminine dress may border on campy and at times is down right clownish. But in a heterosexual world, femininity is looked at as a weakness. When that wall of masculinity is toppled, a waterfall of extreme femininity often is the result.

“While I’m feeling liberated by my softening edges, some trans people feel they’re liberated by their transition to a specific gender.”

I can’t really comment on other transgender people, but for me this has been about finding what works for me. Think about the clothes you wear every day. The clothes that you choose are like drawing a picture of how you want to present yourself to the world. There are fashion cliques even in butch lesbian circles. From the way you wear your hair, to the shoes you wear, everything about your presentation tells the world something about how you see yourself. Your gender identity really is a mirror to who you see yourself to be.

“It’s left me wondering what it feels like for a person contemplating a sex change to know with such confidence who they really are. Given the ridiculous male-female dichotomy we’re forced to live with, do any of us know what our real gender potential is ?”

She continues by saying

“many trans people embrace the idea of fluidity, still identify as queer, and some choose a sex change precisely because their pre-transition gender ambiguity makes them more vulnerable in a world that tolerates nothing but extremes.”

The reality that Susan lives is one that even at its most oppressive moments won’t end up in her being jailed and convicted of a crime. If she is mistaken for a man in a restroom, she can prove otherwise. Having a penis in a women only space (restroom or locker room), no matter it’s size or ability to function sexually, is enough to get you thrown in jail. But presenting in a feminine manner in any form and using male only space can and has ended in murder.

The fact that her masculine appearance actually might aid her in other facets of her life. Honestly, I think “male privilege” is a misnomer. Masculine privilege is a more appropriate name.

A common question, even among people in the GLB community is why have surgery. She asks:

“I have to wonder (though I know I’ll catch flak here) whether trans people who are taking hormones and making surgical changes to their bodies are causing pain to themselves? When I raise this with folks who have transitioned, they say absolutely not. It feels, they say, like something’s finally being made right. Which is why anyone passionate about sexual liberation has to respect these decisions and support full funding for medical treatments.”

There’s a difference between gender identity and body image. It took me a long time to pry the two apart. Growing up I always felt a disdain for my body. As a young child when I got out of the shower, I’d always position myself so that I didn’t have to see my body. It felt wrong. I had this underlying confusion about why I felt so “wrong.” I can’t say I felt like a girl. I didn’t feel like I was “born in the wrong body.” I just felt like a stranger in a strange land, that was my own skin. My body dysphoria may rub up against my gender dysphoria, but it’s not the same thing. Taking hormones did kill two birds with one stone. It cured my body dysphoria and centered me emotionally in a way that I’d never felt before.

She ends her article by say saying

“in the spirit of Pride I celebrate their courage, honour sexual pluralism and invite everyone on the planet to challenge the tyranny of assumptions that prevent us from being who we really are.”

My hope is that those in the radical feminist camp come to the same conclusion. I don’t think Andrea Dworkin’s vision of an androgynous society is the answer. A “one size fit’s all” gender identity would be stale and boring. Gender identity needs to be unlinked from biological sex. Gender is only oppressive when it is something that is hoisted upon you without your consent. If everyone were able to pick and choose their gender presentation, be it masculine or feminine, the oppressiveness of gender would be forever destroyed.

Originally published at Transadvocate. Please leave any comments there.

You’ve probably heard of the ex-gay movement. You may have even heard of the ex-ex-gay movement. Odds are slim that you know anyone that is ex-transgender. But have you ever known anyone that is ex-ex-transgender?

You have if you’ve read this blog.

In 1997 I confessed to my wife that I’d cross-dressed most of my life. After her initial shock wore off, she began to accept and integrate this part of me into our marriage. This was an activity that I’d never told anyone about, much less participate in with another person in. In late 1997 I began to realize that I might not be a crossdresser, but that something deeper was hidden underneath all the shame. My wife, the love of my life, had told me in no uncertain terms that if I was a bisexual or transsexual, our marriage would be over. Those two facts were playing a tug of war in my mind for months that caused me to go into a cycle of depression. In January of 1999 things finally came to a head, this looming thing was something I knew that I couldn’t hide from myself any longer. Crying curled up in a ball in the middle of my bed, I realized I couldn’t rid myself of this. I didn’t want to die, but I couldn’t keep living this way. In the desperation of the moment, I cried out to God.

For the next two years, I dove head first into the bible. I joined Horizon Christian Fellowship South, led by Pastor Tony Smith. The church was very bible centered, and the services were more educational than they were emotional. My days and nights away from the church, my head was either stuck in a bible, or on the net researching and or debating theology.

I felt part of my call was to evangelize online with other men that had suffered through gender dysphoria and were struggling with this sin. It was the early days of the Internet then, blogs were still years away. The only place you could freely post your thoughts were either on AOL discussion boards, or on Usenet. I started a group over at Dejanews.com called Nikao (which in Greek means overcome, conquer, or victory). I spent hours writing and debating on Usenet, the power of Christ’s redeeming love. My growing obsession blossomed and I decided it was time to start making preparations for Bible College.

The very thing I thought would save my marriage, doomed it. The deeper I immersed myself into Christ, the angrier my wife became. She said “you’re just replacing one part of your life with another. As long as you are in that group (Nikao) you’re still in it, just from a different angle.” She saw how radically it effected my behavior, turning me into someone she couldn’t stand to be around. On August 25th, of 2000, the wheels fell off our marriage. My wife of six years hated me so much she physically assaulted me. Her assault and time in jail solidified the end of our marriage.

In the traumatic days that followed, members of my church were supportive, albeit, distant. With the impending divorce and custody battle, I leaned on my pastor for guidance and support. In my fight for custody, I asked him to go to court with me. Knowing that my wife would play the transvestite defense, I asked him to stand before the court and testify to my church activities and my attendance. He told me he would “pray about it” and get back with me. He never did. Needless to say, I lost custody of my daughter.

In November of 2000, I started seeing a therapist about my gender issues. One of the most profound concepts she ever taught me was the difference between desire and action. She said something to the effect that “you can modify your actions, but you can’t modify your desires.” Desire is a physical response to an external stimuli. You can say you don’t like chocolate, but you can’t make your mouth stop watering when you smell it. You can be ex- transgender, gay, bisexual, in action, but not in desire.

Coming across a post entitled “Transsexual Fraud” at Trading My Sorrows.com blog, reminded me of my ex-trans past. With the media exposure and growing cultural acceptance of a more fluid gender identity, I’m sure that these types of online ministries will pop up more and more (to join Reality Resources and New Hope Outreach).

Christ said:

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” - Matthew 15-20

The ex-trangender life I experienced was anything but peaceful, truthful, or accepting. My hope is that my fellow human beings who are dealing with the challenges that come along with gender identity variance look at the “fruit” of their life and decide to follow the path which is the most fertile for fruit to grow.

In the end I’m not really ex-ex- anything. I’m me. I hope that anyone that in my situation finds a path to this much peace and truth. I hope they find an orchard full of the fruit like the one that continues to fill my life with blessing after blessing.

Originally published at Transadvocate. Please leave any comments there.

Until someone puts actual empirical data along side radical feminist doctrine, I refuse to call it a theory. It  isn’t a theory, it’s a religion. And it’s about as believable as there being a man named Jesus Christ that rose from the dead after three days.

If your wondering, THIS is the genesis of my reason to post.

Now, let us pray.

Originally published at Transadvocate Blog. Please leave any comments there.

In the past I’ve written posts supporting the “All My Children” transgender character Zoey/Zarf (here and here). Recently, Zoey (the soap character) took part in a support group with real transgender people. Simply amazing. I’m so glad to see this. There’s a good representation of sex and race in the scene. Typically in the media you only hear or see white m2f trangender people.

[kml_flashembed movie=”http://www.youtube.com/v/ziWZQXqfhns” width=”425″ height=”350″/]

Originally published at Transadvocate Blog. Please leave any comments there.

I found this on Saurly Yours: “Sex Change Operations: Are They Choice or Necessity?“

I left this comment in response.

“I’m not really going to spend too much time discussing things here, because it’s pretty obvious that you have no desire for debate. Pretty typical on the internet, you state your opinion and then shoot down any disagreement. You discount Dr Weiss without stating any logical argument, instead you try to play some sort of educational war of the degrees.

When sexual reassignment surgery is an option that can be obtained by simply going to a surgeon and plopping down the cash, I’ll agree with you that it’s a choice. If transsexuality is removed from the DSM IV and SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) can be obtained without a diagnosis of GID disorder, I’ll agree with you it’s a choice. But right now, it’s a treatment to a ‘mental illness’ that requires many hoops to be jumped through.

Your question makes no logical sense. All treatments to mental illnesses are ‘choices.’ The question is, is this choice needed. There’s 100 years of research behind gender dysphoria, and according to the Standards of Care used to treat transsexuals:

‘Sex Reassignment is Effective and Medically Indicated in Severe GID. In persons diagnosed with transsexualism or profound GID, sex reassignment surgery, along with hormone therapy and real life experience, is a treatment that has proven to be effective. Such a therapeutic regimen, when prescribed or recommended by qualified practitioners, is medically indicated and medically necessary. Sex reassignment is not “experimental,” “investigational,” “elective,” “cosmetic,” or optional in any meaningful sense. It constitutes very effective and appropriate treatment for transsexualism or profound GID.’

Ms. Stanton didn’t deserve to be fired simply for transitioning. But the fact that she will be, is a loss for the people of Largo. It’s their loss, more than it is hers. My guess is that with a history of a six figure income, Ms. Stanton wont have to worry about her financial situation.”